Digital Ink Los Angeles

According to Wikipedia legend, Otto Frederick Rohwedder of Davenport, Iowa, invented the one-loaf bread-slicing machine, thusly creating mass-produced sliced bread.

The first commercial use of the machine was by the Chillicothe Baking Company of Chillicothe, Missouri, producing their first slices on July 7, 1928, 81 years ago today. Their product, “Kleen Maid Sliced Bread“, as is well known, was a substantial success.

What’s the next big thing? What will become of the technological epoch in this era of financial ruin? Stem cell research? Universal healthcare? Electric cars? Wind energy? Twitter? World Peace? Sarah Palin? Blogs? Digital Ink Los Angeles?

What’s your favorite sliced-bread sandwich?
Maybe the “Ben Franklin Quadruple-Decker,” hold the mayo?

The seminal Wu Tang Clan song from the mid-90s, “C.R.E.A.M.,” has its eponymous title taken from the lyrics, “Cash Rules Everything Around Me.”

Many are praying for a bridge across troubled financial waters these days, and many are asking their deities for a little extra cash. Cash trees, cash cows, golden ganders, lottery tickets, horse races, change drawers, and surreptitious swindles are all-the-rage in this post-Madoff madness.

Which brings us to the case of one Jason Holt, upper-Manhattan resident, school teacher, and genuine do-gooder. He almost got got for having been the unsuspecting tenant of “Apartment D,” in an otherwise ordinary building, where a Dominican-born, police-protected drug-dealer has supposedly stashed $900,000 in cash.

The NY Times‘ Al Baker writes:

It was not a movie, not a plot from “Law & Order,” but a reality that hit Mr. Holt like lightning on Thursday when he read the news that a New York City police officer — allegedly in partnership with a drug dealer who used to live in the apartment — had been arrested on charges of scheming to trick his way into Apartment 4D, have Mr. Holt jolted with a stun gun and handcuff him. The drug dealer, officials say, had led people to believe that he had used the apartment, which is on Broadway in Inwood, as a stash house for $900,000 cash.

The rest of the NY Times‘ article can be found by clicking this link.

Now, it seems that floorboard in my hallway has been creaking louder than the others, and I’ve been meaning to check it… just in case.

It goes without saying that things are starting to get a little weird when we begin to attempt a valuation of our material possessions.

A gallon of gasoline is currently around $2 at California pumps, with slightly different prices across the country.

Housing prices have dived — some markets seeing a nearly 70% decrease in values — with foreclosures reflecting the upside-down nature of this industry.

A rush toward gold — which bodes well for most investors who got in before the new Gold Rush price increases — is indicative of this New Economy.

In fact, guns, gold, and safes are really the new way of investing.  Kind of reminds me of an episode of HBO’s Deadwood.

But, 130 years later, we now have credit-default swaps, retention bonuses, and derivatives linked to the sub-prime mortgage industry. Now that’s progress.

Let’s imagine the value of a few simple things:  Water, Air, Fire, and Earth.

Our water markets are expanding faster than the iPhone, with many companies poised to control this commodity. Our Air quality is worsening year upon year, with “clean-burning coal” facing closer scrutiny as a viable new-energy solution.

Which takes me to Fire, or the combustive element we’ve grown so fond of since our days in the Ice-Age caves of Europe and Asia.  What is Fire but the source, figuratively and literally, of Industrial progress.

And then, there’s Earth — good ‘ole dirt.  What’s the value of an acre?  Depends on if you’re talking Malibu, Ca., or Lagos, Nigeria.  What we do know is the amount of Earth available isn’t growing, but Earth’s population is.

What’s the value of things?  How do we measure what was worth something today?  Compare Britney Spears in 2000 to the “Circus” Britney of today.  Or, better yet, consider the idea that speculative fine-art trading has exceeded the Dow market in value over the last 10, 20, even 50 years.

What’s it all worth?  Trade you a 1955 Mickey Mantle for a 1986 Michael Jordan to find out.